Chapter 101

Posted: November 28, 2015 in My Life Caught on a Silver Camera, Uncategorized

“Noah?!” Milla’s voice danced through my apartment as I sat on my couch. “You’re watching this again?” She asked as she stood in front of me.

“Not anymore.” I joked, wrapping my arms around her hips.

“Stop!” She laughed. She playfully hit my arms to free herself but it didn’t work.

“Oooh, feisty. I like that.” I teased wiggling my eyebrows.

“You’re such a damn clown. Did you know that?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” I pulled her down onto my lap with a grin on my face. She wrapped her arms around my neck as she beamed back at me. “How long has it been now?” She asked looking into my eyes. “You know, since we’ve started over.”

“Let’s see.” I started, wrapping my arms around her waist. “I think it’s been almost a year and a half.”

My mind started to wander just thinking about the time. So much has happened in a year and a half. It’s almost hard to even believe that’s all it’s been. One year and five months that we’ve been together. And every day I still can’t believe she’s here.

Each time she walks into a room I can’t help but stare at her. I find myself constantly in awe at everything she does. The way she pushes her hair out of her face. The way her nose wrinkles when she tries to open a jar I closed too tight. Or just the way she looks when she thinks. She can make any minor movement into the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And that is what captivates me.

She’s caught me staring a few times. Each time she’d ask me what I was looking at, and each time I’d lie and tell her “Nothing.’” She’d make a face and keep doing whatever she was doing, and I’d find something else about her to be infatuated with. It’s an endless cycle that I feel will happen forever. And I honestly wouldn’t mind if it did.

Since we’ve gotten together we’ve changed a lot. Me especially. And I can thank that to her. After we started over we tried to really start over, in all sense of the words. It was like I was re-dating her, but the real her. I was learning about the Camilla that cares about family and friends. The one that is kind and honest but also the one that isn’t scared of any challenge whatsoever. And her love for challenges is what helped me the greatest because I am a challenge.

I will admit, I’m not the easiest person to deal with. I know that, and my family knows that more than anyone. But Milla helped me understand just how hard I am to deal with. She made me realize things about myself that I didn’t see. Whenever I’d say something wrong she wasn’t scared to tell me. I still slip up, but I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to be better.

When I ruined Christmas dinner she refused to talk to me until I apologized to everyone and then personally apologized to Will and Antwone face to face. I thought she was kidding, but she wasn’t. I hadn’t realized how big of an ass I was to everyone around me until I actually said sorry to Will. When the words left my mouth she laughed in my face. She didn’t believe me and thought maybe I came to terrorize Antwone some more or to ask her for a favor. But when I told her no her eyes widened. She couldn’t comprehend the fact I wanted to tell her sorry and that’s when it hit me. I’ve ruined so many things for her that she always just dealt with it and figured me never owning up to it would be a normal reoccurring theme in her life.

It was like a bullet to the chest when the realization sunk in. That I was single handedly one of the worst brothers I could have been to her. That even though she looked out for me for years upon years, I didn’t deserve any of the love and care that she gave me because I never gave any back. I took her for granted and even when she kicked me out it didn’t register. I hated her for not visiting me often when I was in prison and despised the fact she didn’t tell me about her tour or how well her band did. But I despised her for completely the wrong reasons.

I did a lot more reflecting after that. I wanted to be a better person. A better man. I wanted to show my family that I wasn’t the family let down. Or the black sheep. I wanted my parents to finally look at me with the same amount of pride they did for Alex and Will. I’m tired of the constant sighs when I walk in a room. Or the glares and slick remarks. I deserve them, yeah. But that doesn’t mean I have to like them.

So I got a shrink. I got one to help me understand why I am the way I am. It was Camilla’s idea. I hated it at first but it’s helped me a lot. I’m calmer now. Less erratic. I’m coming more to terms with who I am and how I was. And now I feel like I can finally fix it.

“Noah? Are you listening to me?” Milla’s voice brought me out of my daze. She was staring down at me, her hand resting on my chest.

“Sorry. I zoned out.”

“You sure do that a lot lately.” She said raising her eyebrow.

“I guess. What were you saying to me though?” I asked.

“Well,” a smirk appeared on her face as she adjusted her position on my lap. “Are you happy we started over?”

“Of course I am.” I ran my fingers through her hair as she leaned into me.

“I have one more question.” She said as she let her forehead rest on mine.

“Which is…?”

“Why is your shirt still on?”

A chuckle echoed from my chest as a smile spread across her face.

“It’s a real question you know.” She said, wrapping her arms tighter around my neck.

“We can change that, but only if you lose yours too.” I laughed.

She rubbed her chin as she pretended to think. “I think we can make that happen.”

She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor. I let mine fall beside hers as she pushed me down onto the couch with a grin on her face. Her hands slid up my chest until she reached my neck and wrapped her arms around it.

“I love you.” She purred, staring into my eyes. Her finger flicked my nose as her fangs peaked out from her smile.

I pulled her hands to my mouth and kissed them. “I love you, too.”

Her smile widened as her forehead met mine. She kissed me and laid on my chest, her head nestled in the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes as my fingers traced the indentions on her back. The feeling of her fingers softly ran up and down my shoulder.

I felt around the floor for the remote. My fingers flicked my shirt off of it as I turned the TV off.

“Weren’t you watching that?” She asked.

“You’re more important.” I said kissing the top of her head. “I’d rather stay like this than watch anything on TV.”

“Besides sports.” She giggled into my chest.

My chest vibrated from my laughter. “You got me. “

“I know.” She smiled. “Now give me the remote. NCSI is on.”

“Fine.” I laughed and handed her the remote. She snatched it from me and a second later the TV blared on as she fell back onto my chest.

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